In addition, the language of the sadness of the body can also send signals to other people who need support. Once you begin to see the different functions of emotion, said Cross, “it becomes much easier to understand the role they play in our lives and in the lives of our children.”
Cross also wants children to know that “there are parts of your emotional experience that you cannot control and the parts you can.” For example, we cannot control the automatic emotional response we experience when we hear a scary noise. But once this emotion is activated, we can “shift it – we have an agency there.”
Cross told me that he would sometimes choose no to displace difficult emotion. For example, if he has a really important deadline, he will feel some anxiety – but he does not want to repel this feeling, because it can help him focus. “Emotion makes me prepare. You do not want to turn off this, but you want to refuse its amplitude. “
Intensity and duration of emotions
So when do we use emotional regulation tools or do we step to help children use them?
“This is when the emotion gets too great or lasts too long,” Cross said. “These are the two characters of Telltale that your emotions may require some regulation.” This is also a useful barometer for parents: we do not want to protect children from difficult emotions, but we want to monitor the intensity and duration of their emotional storms.
Changing emotions is not about suppressing or denying our feelings, but rather recently to know that we can take steps to “change trajectory” when our feelings intervene in our goals or well -being, according to Cross.
As for the management of our emotional life, “there are no solutions to all sizes,” Cross says. People often press it to name the first two or three regulation strategies, but its research has found that there is a huge variability in which the instruments take advantage of which people. And “not just different people,” he said, but even the same person. The tools they have benefited from the first day are often different from the instruments they benefit from from the second day or fifth day. “Having and experimenting, a diverse set of tools can enhance our ability to lead an emotionally healthy life.
Using your senses to navigate in emotions
The CROS book describes several strategies based on research research, including one that receives too little attention: our sensory system. People use their five senses to evaluate their environment quickly. “It’s as primitive as you get,” Cross said. “We need to know whether to go back to approach or avoid things.” Due to their role in our preservation, our senses are closely linked to the emotional networks of the brain. So when we smell of something rotten, it can almost instantly cause disgust. When we hear a beautiful bird song or visible sunset, we can quickly feel awe or wonder. “Even a touch,” Cross said. “Like warm and blurred things, unlike cold and rude. All these sensations push your emotions around really, really fast. Knowing what to get closer and what to avoid is mainly for us to be successful in this world. “
This close, unconscious connection between the senses and emotions means that we can consciously use our senses to support our emotional well -being. “Consider filling your home with the right odors and putting the right music in the background? These are trouble -free things that we can do to displace the emotions around and this is an unused resource. “
As a parent of adolescents, Cross covers the role of DJ. If he has to shift his mood, he can put Taylor Swift in the car or even jazz more by singing or dancing together and creating something that is “just ridiculous and therefore enhances the emotional experience.” Pre -school teachers understand the power of a good “strategic song” as songTo turn a rattling task into a playful moment.
When children experience intense emotion, some of the proven strategies – such as deep breathing or journal – may feel inaccessible to the children. These techniques require effort or subsequent steps. In contrast, working with the sensory system can be an initial way of easier to gain emotion. In this way, our senses offer “random emotion management tools”.
Parents can use the sensory network to keep children’s emotions finely in ways that “fly completely under the radar,” Cross said. Consider igniting your favorite flavored candle while children do homework, rub your back while sitting on the couch together, sink the lights during a bath, or rotate a soft stuffed animal in your hands as they fall asleep. Again, there is no one size for everyone. When they are activated emotionally, some children crave physical pressure-as a bear hug or weighted blankets, where others can grip on contact and find the feeling of bounce of mini-trampyle or swinging more relaxing.
Parents can engage children and teens to think of sensory tools. What songs can go to the playlist “I feel _____”? What physical sensations can they enhance their mood? What sights and flavors and odors do they find soothing or restorative? And of course going out into nature activates all five senses, which is one of the reasons time in Nature correlates with mental healthS
Modeling emotional regulation
As parents, we are sometimes so focused on our children’s needs that we sometimes forget that “keeping others starts with being effective,” Cross said. “Focusing on how to manage your own emotions is, I say, an important first step in helping your children manage their emotions.” This applies for two reasons. First, children are observers for observation. “So, if we maintain our emotions in the right proportions in different circumstances, they imply implicitly teach,” Oh, you do well, “in contrast, if you see people flying the handle in really big ways that may not be productive,” Croos said.
