When my old son Jack was in high school, he accepted the summer work by the solar panels at the door. My first reaction was not to say him. I felt protections-afraid of rejection He would put it in front of the door throughout the summer. I couldn’t see how my child thoughtful, good athlete and the correct student, could have failed.
As a parent, it is natural to want Hide your children from failure. But we often put above our children what is arguably in situations of participation in which we have intended to steal and build an essential learning experiences.
Instead, we can learn how to make the kids fail well.
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To make it fair, we are tied: if we are too much, we are ridiculous helicopter Parents, but under the protection, we suffer the effects of an adult decision-making measure. To make the work even harder, in a few years the pendulum seems to rock the pendulum: three-martini Playdate Reproduces the co-rider and replaces it again. It is easy to see that parents are torn: do you need to make their mistakes or close their mistakes, remove obstacles, limiting risks, and prevent failure? In the fight to manage the bond, parents suffer. And so make children.
But there are a path that avoids / or avoiding a path and helps children build a good judgment to help the spirit focused on learning. Helps children rectum Fault type, while helping to avoid danger. Extrapolation of my organization from research and personal experience, I think the responsibility of parents, children develop bankruptcy muscles and help grow responsible members of society. To do this, we need to examine the two dimensions of bankruptcy science: evaluate the context to risk and failure to risk them all.
Consider Three types of failure I have identified my research: basic, complex and intelligent.
Basic failures have simple reasons, usually a simple mistake. Are prevented. Therefore, children are small when children are small, and make sure the bottles of medicines cannot be opened and without touching and touching. Basic failures do not bring new knowledge, and most of them would be better avoiding (paying attention when we are following a recipe). But they are part of the experience of learning to master a new topic or skill, and it is good to remember the children to learn the money, so that they can continue to improve.
Complete failures have several causes: each is innocent on its own, to destroy them. Forget your mobile phone to charge, stuck behind a truck on the freeway, can’t get to your spouse and lose your day care. The most complex failures can be avoided, but we all have had days in the wrong days, and these types of failures continue to complex our world. We should learn from them and we should move on.
Smart failures are important here, parents need to help children grow.
It begins to learn as a source of discovery and failures as personal development. I think most of us, living in full life, should have experience more failures, no less. Whether Roger Federer Tennis Champion slate Only 54 percent of thousands played in his famous career (as he puts this, “classified tennis players also earn barely”) or Chemical Higher Professor Jennifer Heemsra According to 90% of laboratory experiments failed, the most successful among us has proven to be ready to fail. So why don’t many parents feel the need to protect children from failure?
Remember Jack and solar panels? My instinct was to disput him. Yes, most people did not say no, and some were rudely rude, but few said yes, and he had proudly brought to a renewable energy to some houses around us. Meanwhile, he learned to interrupt after each condemnation and told himself no It was just one step next time yes. He built healthy failures that continue to serve well in his career.
Failures can help children succeed. To do this, we need to encourage risks to think about it, to continue stretching outside the comfort zone. School play audition; Try basketball; Ask that classmate on a date. Yes, refuse is likely to achieve any of the following little risks of life. But this is a feature, not a mistake. The most successful people are those who fail: they have been defeated. They have lost larger courts plans, have been activated for more auditions and have more papers have had the best magazines. Retrying their success, learning, improves and trying, it doesn’t magically go around things around.
It may be difficult to see your children fail. You absorb their disappointment. You want to fix everything wrong quickly, so you can feel well again. This work is to learn to live your Discomfort, anxiety around them is lacking short-term profit in the long-term lesson.
Give your children in space to fail, in a safe way, and teach them to learn from the failures of embrace and learn. Show face to face how to deal with and the next challenge after renewed approach and renewing energy. Don’t fail, but learn them from them as much as you can.
This Mindset, What Does Carol Dweck Does Psychologist Call Growth thinking-Valicious resources forimes, especially in the world that is changing. My younger son Nick, when he learned to ski for eight years, asked me to see him downhill, I was on the verge and I was waiting. After his short run, he looked and asked, “How did I do it?” My answer? “You made a wonderful!” Instead of smiling, but Nick failed, disappointed, as he replied, “Can you tell me what I did better?”
Now I was smiling. Somehow, as a parent, I helped feed this thinking thinking. DWEK knows as a social psychologist in its process (you had control of your speed). He seemed to be enjoying you. If your breast will be better in your form “) I attempted to build a successful learning habits. And Nick was working on it. That’s not to say,” Good job! The results of course may not motivate a child The only thing is worse, when we praise the results for children to be short in the eyes of you and others. “Try good!” or “great progress!” The types of processes are encouraged without creating a dependency.
It is that it is remarkable about a smart failure to turn off a path and force us to look for another, waiver my high school basketball team and I found discussions with time. At other times they approach our target, slowly but stable progress to mastery. In spite of smart failures, despite the wild phenomena of the tennis court, our opportunity to reject the university, seek the goals we care about in common. They require time to take time through what is not known and acted before it is not known. The participations are also maintained appropriately, non-financial financial, fame or security risks.
To learn the sum of the mind, the intelligence of the mind takes the heart to take the heart, the parents should consider the type of failure that both child decisions can affect. With this awareness, we can appreciate the emotional skills, cognitive and personal skills that children should be high, the potential must be extended and resilient instead of failure or embarrassment. Thus, parents can help their children build hard bankrupt muscles while saving disastrous errors.
How do you start? Stop yourself protecting your child from defeat. Note that your instinct, and that, although it is valuable in so many contexts, are not helpful at others. Ask yourself: “What is the risk here? What failure would this be?” To help invalidate your instinct to protect the most valuable lessons of life. Encourage to take intelligent risks. Create (and help) stretch options. As they accept their growth, while they help them think of the possible results of the options they are examining.
Then let them choose.
This is an opinion and analysis article, and the views indicated by the author or authors are not necessarily American scientific.
