Although I was one of the lucky ones – I had a few months of protected paid leave – coming back was still difficult and a huge adjustment.
So whether you’re going back to work or have already returned, there are ways to set yourself up for success, says Beacom.
Do a job work better for you
Too often, returning parents assume their jobs and schedules are fixed, so they don’t ask their managers what they want, Beacom says.
But for the most part, companies “want you to be happy, engaged and supported,” she says—so you might be surprised at what they agree to.
Beacom shares a few ideas for a smooth re-entry.
- What does a good first day, week and month look like? If possible, make a plan and present it to your manager before you take leave, “so that everyone is thinking about this re-entry even before you leave,” Beacom says.
- Set a date for a short placement with your employer while you’re gone so both parties feel more confident and prepared for what’s needed for your return, says Beacom.
- Plan to come back mid-week so you can give yourself time to quietly warm up, clear out your inbox, and then come back full force next week.
- Agree on your schedule. Maybe shifting your work day by half an hour would change your commute, or the East Coast hours would be much easier to pick up and drop off from day care.
Your workplace will often be as flexible as you are ask they should be, Beecom says. So discover how work can work better for you.
Let “good” be “good enough”
Now that you’re back at work, you may notice something surprising: Your job may feel a little easier.
“Many parents report that having children, because it introduces all these new complexities, can make them more disciplined and better at getting things done,” says a brain researcher Darby Saxbyauthor of the forthcoming book dad brainon the science of fatherhood.
That doesn’t mean your life as a working parent will be a walk in the park. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, see when you can let “good” be “good enough.”
“My best advice to parents is to lower your standards,” Saxbe says. “Don’t expect to be amazing at everything.” There are no promotions for perfect baby food or trophies for fast late-night emailing.
If you absolutely must add more to your plate, be conscious of it, he says Reshma SaujaniCEO of Moms First, an organization that advocates for affordable child care and paid leave. What is a need and what is just a gold star on your file? How much pressure is self-imposed and how much is out of your control?
Finally, relax a bit. Parenting can change the brain and body to better meet the caregiving needs of your toddler—and research shows it can take anywhere several months to two years or more for a new parent to feel fully themselves again.
“Respect that this is a time of transformation,” Saxbe says. “Be patient with yourself and accept that you may not be 100% for a while.”
Digital story edited by Megan Keen. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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