Parents ask me about food more than anything else. After all, I’m a natural health lady, so of course my kids drink all the time Calla smoothies (not really). What at the end of the day when health dogmas and real life collide do Do I feed my children? And most importantly, how do I help them make healthy eating choices?
Food can feel overwhelmingly parental, and it’s easy to worry that one wrong move will lead kids to unhealthy habits. You might be surprised to know that I really can’t micro-manage. What my children eat.
Through years of parenting, research, and personal trial and error, I’ve learned that strict control over food often backfires. Instead, I focus on presenting dietary options, Modeling good habits and trusting my kids to listen to their bodies. This approach is not about throwing away all structure, but about building autonomy and a healthy relationship with food.
Why food control often backfires
One of the biggest changes in my thinking came from understanding how constraints affect demand. There’s a growing body of research that shows that when we control food, especially food labeled as “junk” or “bad,” it makes us crave it more.
Study in Appetite They found that children who had certain food restrictions were more likely to overeat those foods when they were available. In contrast, children who are not restricted tend to eat less of those foods. Additionally, they were more in tune with their hunger cues.
If you’ve been on a diet, you’ve probably noticed the same thing. The more food is withheld, the more energy it holds.
Psychologically, this makes sense. Limitation creates stress. It positions food as something to be resisted rather than understood. Over time, the stress can be relieved. Internal symptoms As hunger and fullness, replaced by external laws and emotional reactions.
There is also evidence that forcing children to eat certain foods, such as forcing them to finish vegetables, can have long-term consequences. Research from Journal of Nutrition Education It found that children who were pressured to eat vegetables were less likely to eat vegetables later in life. A well-intentioned push for health can quietly backfire.
Children are born with self-control.
One of the most fascinating areas of research in this area focuses on self-regulation, particularly in young children. Studies published in New England Journal of Medicine They found that teenagers naturally adjust their calorie intake over time. If you eat a lot at one meal, you will eat more at later meals. If you overeat one day, you’ll make up for it the next.
In other words, children are born knowing how to control their intake. That is, if we don’t abolish that system.
Children may lose touch with these internal cues when food choices are highly regulated or restricted. Instead of asking. i’m hungry? Am I full? They learn to ask Is this allowed? Will I get in trouble? Over time, external control replaces internal perception.
This is important not only for their physical health but also for their long life Relationship with food. The ability to sense hunger, fullness, thirst, and satisfaction is a skill we can carry into adulthood. Once lost, it takes deliberate work to rebuild it.
The problem with “good” and “bad” food labels
Another subtle but powerful factor is how we talk about food. When foods are labeled “good” or “bad,” morality is attached to eating. Eating something “bad” can lead to guilt or shame, while eating something “good” feels like a moral victory.
There is evidence that this moral fixation contributes to disordered eating in later life. Evaluation in International Journal of Eating Disorders It found a link between diet control and a higher risk of disordered eating in adults.
I have personally seen this play out. Growing up, certain foods were labeled as taboo or unhealthy, often due to budget constraints. When I gained independence as a teenager, these foods felt unbearable. Not because they made me feel good, but because they denied me. It took years to distinguish true pleasure and physical response from psychological attraction.
Helping children understand food choices
On the flip side, when I first started trying to eat healthy I had some serious things to say about certain foods. And while I still don’t think highly prepared foods should be in anyone’s kitchen, I’m now more focused on the positive. Rather, it is my focus. Helping my children (and other adults) understand what foods do in the body.
With my kids, I try to avoid junk food. Instead of labeling something as “bad”, we talk about what’s inside the body. Protein helps build and repair tissue. Minerals support the electrical signal. Carbohydrates provide energy and hormonal support. This type of information gives children context without attaching judgment.
Autonomy as the main principle of parenting
At the heart of this approach is a broad belief. My children are boundlessly independent people, each in their own way. My role is not to control them, but to guide them into self-reliant, fit and healthy adults.
Food is one of the first and most tangible ways children experience autonomy. What they put into their bodies is important not only nutritionally but also psychologically. Respecting their agency in this area reinforces the deeper message that they are allowed (and encouraged) to listen to their bodies.
This does not mean a lack of structure. It means choosing a structure that supports rather than undermines autonomy.
What does this look like in practice?
Having principles and standards is one thing, but putting them into practice is another. So what does this look like in our home?
Food is not a reward or a punishment
I don’t use it. Food as a tool. There is no “eat this for dessert” or “skip dinner and eat this for breakfast.” These systems can decouple nutrition from hunger and turn food into currency.
When children choose to eat nutrient-dense foods on their own, it carries more weight than when the choice is forced. Over time, voluntary choices become more entrenched.
I submit, they decide.
I don’t stock the pantry with super processed foods, but I don’t control what they eat or how much. The house is stocked with whole foods, proteins, fruits, vegetables and by-products that they can get on their own as needed.
I prepare food A family meal And that is what is offered as an option. My kids can eat freely…or not. If you’re still hungry later, you can make eggs, fruit, or leftovers. I’m not a short-term cook, but I’m not a foodie either.
Modeling beyond the rules
As a mother, I quickly learned that our children learn more from what we do than what we say. When they see me eating a wide variety of foods, their curiosity naturally grows. Foods that you once avoided often become habitual over time without stress.
When my children were babies and Trying new foods They looked suspicious, I ate in front of them. This helped them decide if it was okay for them too.
Teaching without supervision
When children are interested, I explain how food works in the body. Not speeches, but speeches. We’ll talk about why minerals are important, how protein supports muscles, and what electrolytes do. When they are open to learning, they absorb it like a sponge.
Knowledge promotes choice. When children understand why certain foods make them feel better, they are more likely to choose them.
Eating out
When my kids are at restaurants or friends’ houses, I don’t comment on their food choices. I don’t limit it or demand it. There’s no harm in occasional exposure to foods I don’t serve at home, especially in the context of a nutrient-dense diet.
Tolerance is more important than perfection. In most cases, the dose is toxic. When you get a little something (like vegetable oil) at a friend’s house, I feel this helps to take the pressure off.
Why this approach works for so long
Research supports a balance known as the combination of authoritative parenting, structure, and autonomy. A 2020 review found that this approach led to healthier eating patterns rather than strict and authoritarian controls.
By acting as an external regulator, children reinforce their internal regulation. They learn responsibility, confidence and body awareness. And they fight without food.
Solving common issues
I’m sure many of you reading this are going to have some questions and concerns about my method. And honestly, I’m not even going to try to tell you that you should approach eating like I do. This is how I found jobs for my kids and why we do it. But here are some of the most frequently asked questions I hear from moms when I share my approach.
“Don’t you just eat sugar all day?”
In my experience, new things tend to pass, especially if foods aren’t restricted. Children may test boundaries at first, but self-control can come surprisingly quickly. In fact, some studies have shown that children with less food restrictions ate fewer cookies when given the chance compared to children with tiger food rules.
“What about nutrients?”
This is where parental responsibility is still important. Providing nutrient-dense options, variety and education creates a strong foundation. From there, children often make balanced choices. If they are all healthy options to eat at home, then they should choose.
“Wouldn’t that create chaos?”
in contrast. When there is no power struggle, food is stable. Structure remains, but tension disappears.
Final thoughts about children and food choices
Strict control often backfires, especially when it comes to food. Instead, trust, modeling, and communication prevail over time.
My goal is not to raise children who clean their plates or avoid every “unhealthy” food. Honestly my opinion on what is healthy and what is notlike grains) have changed over time. Instead, my goal is to raise adults who are confident in their bodies, understand nutrition, and feel confident in making choices after I’m not there to guide them.
When children are respected, recognized and given real autonomy, they often rise to the occasion. I’ve seen this play out with my own kids and I’m constantly amazed at how talented and creative they are when given the chance.
How do you store food in your home? Do you have any food rules or ways to promote healthy eating? Let us know in the comments!
